Peter Hardy owned a jewellery shop just off the high street. He liked owning a jewellery shop, for the most part. Cresting his mid fifties, he wore shiny brown shoes and pastel jumpers with a shirt underneath so the crisp collar poked out. Cosy but professional, he… Read more: My Liege

Chapter 1 Thursday, May 11th, 10:42am Would you look at that. So many legs. Arguably too many. Each one so thin yet structurally strong. I’ve only two legs and they’ve both become fat and weak. Two uncooked sausages hanging from my hips with sore knees in the… Read more: Of Hotdogs and House Spiders

It was a peaceful night in the Boar’s Apple. That was exactly why Klay liked it there. Yes, it was always warm and it had good food and drink and an attentive ale-boy who seemed to know exactly when his tankard had emptied. But best of all,… Read more: To Envy a Goatherd

“So Falreth the Righteous raised his gilded battlehammer high into the air and called upon the blessing of Thorimm to imbue his weapon with divine energies. By this point, Zylax the sorcerer was completely surrounded by bloodthirsty orcs and shouted “Falreth – lend us your aid!”. So… Read more: Falreth’s Aid

My back curves and my head dips and I’m hoping to god I don’t resemble some ungainly slumped ape-beast. But when I try to straighten my back to sit tall my already twitching thighs start burning and creeping away from the ground which is annoyingly where I… Read more: Just Like Bamboo

I want ye. I want ye mare than I’ve ever wanted anyhin. The kinda want that makes ye feel on the edge ah losin yersel. Dive inta the sea an no come back oot kinda want. The kind that has ye screamin at the sky hopin it’ll… Read more: Turbolust

In 2006 I was fifteen years old and in fourth year at high school. To my own surprise, English had become one of my favourite subjects and one that I was keen to actually apply myself to. I liked being given a poem not knowing what it… Read more: Reflections / Reflections

#1 Alarm Clock “Umm, hello?” “…Hello? Is someone there?” “Yeah, I’m here, Sam. It’s Alex.” “…Alex? What the fuck?! What’s going on? I can’t see anything.” “I know, I know. It’s…hard to explain. And we don’t have a ton of time. Just try to stay calm.” “Stay… Read more: Walkie Talkies

Presenter: Hello and welcome to a very special episode of the Antiques Roadshow where we’ll be delving into the history of a little town with a somewhat magical past. Classical music plays. Cut to sweeping wide drone shots of English countryside and then a grand manor building… Read more: Mannerton’s Antiques

Jack couldn’t believe his luck when he’d finally been invited to hang out with Lewis and his crew after school. He wondered if they’d caught wind of the sick new e-bike he’d got for his birthday and perhaps now they were taking him seriously. Too conscientious to… Read more: Wheelie Closer to God

Poised, I stand arms spread to the heavens at the peak of Ben Macdui, naked as a mole rat, my fifty-two year old tadger flapping in the gale. Sideways rain lashes against my clenched arsecheeks and I feel the electricity in my bones bloom in-sync with the… Read more: The Smell of Batteries

I ran a two year homebrewed D&D campaign with some close friends and it was without a doubt both my favourite gaming experience and creative project to date. The thing is, over a campaign that long things tend to get quite serious. High stakes. High jeopardy. Dramatic… Read more: A Royal Problem

I dreamt about the duck again. The creepy little vagrant, floating lifelessly on the pond’s surface, so still, so unlike all of his peers. Why don’t you move, duck? Why do you just stare blankly at the sun? Why can’t I get you out of my head? … Read more: Early Retirement

Are you looking to travel in opulent luxury while minimising your environmental impact? Sick and tired of bog-standard hum-drum wooden horse-drawn carriages? Then the Fairy God Mother is here to fulfil your wish with the FGM Pumpkin Carriage! Made from the realm’s finest organic pumpkins, magically enhanced… Read more: Redundancy Package